While it’s good to have some idea of who and what you like, screening out everyone who doesn’t fit a narrow description of what you want precludes the possibility that you will find you like someone you never considered previously. Widen the vista. Consider women older and younger than your original ideal. Consider women taller, shorter, thinner, heavier, darker, lighter and balder than what you thought you might like. You never know. You probably didn’t like oysters the first time you tasted them either. You won’t make actual contact. The whole point of this endeavor is to eventually, when you’re ready, date this shiny new person in the flesh. One sure way to fail at online dating is to stop short of breathing the same air as this fresh new human. On the other hand, should you want to succeed, should you want all of your work and hope to come to fruition, take the risk and get a cup of coffee with that other hopeful, hardworking and risk-taking human. You never know what you will find until you date face to face. You know the signs. You’re with a guy and get that gut feeling you’re going to be hurt and lose out in the same way as before. And even though you vow that this time will be different, it all comes sadly to pass and you’re back to the tissue box and dating service numbers. Welcome to the world of dead-end dating patterns. Here are the top five deadly patterns, along with potent fixes to help you escape them. Not perfect I’ll pass The pattern, Your best friend talks you into signing up for online dating. You interact with a number of men and quickly back out of dating them because of various defects that each one has, this guy is too cynical; that one has bad teeth; the other spilled his espresso macchiato grande all over his shirt. The reality is that you don’t even give them a chance to emerge and be who they are. No one is good enough. You unconsciously project your own feelings of inadequacy onto each guy you date or date. The flaws in them become blinding completely and totally turning you off. You run. Your reactions are nothing more than defensive maneuvers Your reactions are nothing more than defensive maneuvers designed to guard against being rejected yourself. Then you end up alone, wondering why there are no good guys out there. The fix, Listen to that voice in your head that is hypercritical of you. Then you won’t be projecting so much. If you start feeling turned off when he spills his coffee, as you help him find some napkins to clean up the mess, say to yourself, I’m being picky and critical in some way of myself, just like my woman or dating service number.
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